CT: Is tigs a lighter sleeper than you?

Mim: Well yeah…but look at me, I’m a boulder.

Vapor Trail

I am posting this for yut.

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Cos he’s playing games.


Evidently, he’s bru-tal.

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The Vapor Trail
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMm)

Here today, gone today.

You are The Vapor Trail.

Are you in a relationship now?

Your exact opposite:
The Backrubber

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer

What about now?

Vapor Trails can be highly charismatic people–unpredictable, confident, and magnetic. You’re experienced. You know how to handle yourself in a relationship, and many people appreciate that. Many people, all in a row.

You’ve had your share of blissful beginnings, to be sure. But things almost never turn out how you’d like, do they? The problem is you’re never happy with someone for an extended period of time. Relate to the following:

Vapor Trails especially need a girl who will laugh at their jokes. They’re also the most likely male type to be haunted by serious regret.

FACT: A few of your exes, the ones you were best to, will always love you. Nice going.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Intern, The Maid of Honor

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid – Free Online Dating.

Yut: Oh wow, look at this. On the MTV Euro Top 20, Paris Hilton’s Stars are Blind is number 17.

Mim: What? Stars are blind and Europeans are tone deaf.

Mim says

Mim was looking at signing up for classes online. She went to go register for a couse, but then the system said it was only available from 7am to 11pm M-F and 7am-7pm S-S. Most people would discover this and say “dammit,” but Mim says “whaaaaaat? troglodytes!”

Rescued me

I was sleeping last night when Mim rescued me from a mosquito. She was still up reading and saw a mosquito on my neck. Ever the good wife, she took her book and hit me with it to kill the little bugger.

As she was showing me the mosquito, it fell onto my chest. Thinking it might still be alive, she hit me with her book again.

I’m going to hell, oh wait, being an atheist is going to pay off.
The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

Soccer Pic

This picture was one of the most viewed on Yahoo last week:

I was bothered every time I saw this picture – something about that ass wasn’t too attractive. For a couple days I couldn’t get this outta my head, then Eureka, I realized the problem. My contractor whipped up a much improved version.

Hello Shoes

Mim said:

You posted! My Yahoo! told me you had 2 Hello world! entries. Doood at first I thought it was a mistake. Turns out they’re different. I totally need advice though. I think I need new shoes. What do you think? 😀

Women need shoes and that’s no joke. Cover your essentials first. If you’re missing (or need to replace) any of the following, get to it.

Type Max Number Example Purpose Got it?
Sneakers 1 Firming that ass
Sandals 2 Casual flirty look
Boots 1 So you can actually be knocking the boots
Dress 2 Formal events
Ballbusters 0 No one wearing these are getting anywhere near my boys.

Originally I contracted an artist to sketch up representations of the shoes, but this is what he came up with for a boot:
That’s a penis, not a boot! Fucking contractors.
If you’ve got all the essentials covered, the only shoes that you can really possibly need are fuck me heels – can’t ever have enough of those. Don’t underestimate the impact of these shoes of your life. These visuals will make you a believer:

Without Heels With Heels

’nuff said.

Hello Monkey

Reneg says

hi, a guy asked me out over the phone and I said okay without thinking. I know, stupid. I don’t want to hurt him but now I feel obligated to go even though I don’t want to. I was supposed to email him the address of the place I told him about (that’s where we decided to have dinner) but I haven’t yet. he hasn’t emailed or called me since Monday (when he asked me out). i was originally going to email him and change it to just drinks instead of dinner but since we haven’t been in contact for two days, does this mean maybe i’m off the hook by default? or should i just email and cancel or email and do the drink thing?

Capital letters are your friend; poor grammar gets you a yut slap.

If this guy is anything even remotely like me, you’d be a monkey’s ass for not going. If either of you happen to look like a monkey’s ass, don’t go.

Since this guy isn’t me you must not want to do the funky monkey with him. You were stupid for accepting, so here’s what you are going to do:

  1. Call him ASAP. Notice that’s a call, not an email. Don’t be a chump.
  2. Keep the conversation on point, don’t beat around the bush and drag it out.
  3. Mix and match from this list as you see fit.
    • You got an offer from a real man.
    • The thought of seeing him when you wake up made you nauseated. No wait, that was just morning sickness.
    • Ask to meet at a more remote location because your husband’s business trip was cancelled.
    • It’s “that” time of the month and you just aren’t in the mood to have to put up with another lying sack of shit who is going to disappear after you’re pregnant…again.
    • You need to get a pay raise to support a fifth child.
    • After much thought, you’ve decided that you can’t fight the feelings any longer, you want a woman.
    • You were drunk when he called.
    • You were drunk and having a bad acid trip when he called.
    • Your parole officer refuses to reschedule your monthy review.
    • Your pimp said meeting aren’t free.
    • You’ve given it a lot of thought and you aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. Apologize for being a flake.

You are going to feel like crap after, but it’ll pass. This is a good experience since you won’t be so quick to accept an invitation in the future. Keep your initial meetings simple and casual (think coffee) so you both have a way out if the good vibes aren’t there. If things are going well through coffee, the two of you can always window shop and talk more. Reserve dinner dates for a third or fourth date if you are both still interested. Beyond that, activities like cooking a dinner together can be a blast. Pop a bottle of wine and let the funky monkey loose. Don’t ever, ever, do a movie as a first date. There’s no point in sitting around silently in the dark staring at a screen. You can do that at home.

Damn, I rock!

Hello world!

Need real advice? Answers? Ask.

The pure awesomeness of the truth will make you squeal.