Hello Monkey

Reneg says

hi, a guy asked me out over the phone and I said okay without thinking. I know, stupid. I don’t want to hurt him but now I feel obligated to go even though I don’t want to. I was supposed to email him the address of the place I told him about (that’s where we decided to have dinner) but I haven’t yet. he hasn’t emailed or called me since Monday (when he asked me out). i was originally going to email him and change it to just drinks instead of dinner but since we haven’t been in contact for two days, does this mean maybe i’m off the hook by default? or should i just email and cancel or email and do the drink thing?

Capital letters are your friend; poor grammar gets you a yut slap.

If this guy is anything even remotely like me, you’d be a monkey’s ass for not going. If either of you happen to look like a monkey’s ass, don’t go.

Since this guy isn’t me you must not want to do the funky monkey with him. You were stupid for accepting, so here’s what you are going to do:

  1. Call him ASAP. Notice that’s a call, not an email. Don’t be a chump.
  2. Keep the conversation on point, don’t beat around the bush and drag it out.
  3. Mix and match from this list as you see fit.
    • You got an offer from a real man.
    • The thought of seeing him when you wake up made you nauseated. No wait, that was just morning sickness.
    • Ask to meet at a more remote location because your husband’s business trip was cancelled.
    • It’s “that” time of the month and you just aren’t in the mood to have to put up with another lying sack of shit who is going to disappear after you’re pregnant…again.
    • You need to get a pay raise to support a fifth child.
    • After much thought, you’ve decided that you can’t fight the feelings any longer, you want a woman.
    • You were drunk when he called.
    • You were drunk and having a bad acid trip when he called.
    • Your parole officer refuses to reschedule your monthy review.
    • Your pimp said meeting aren’t free.
    • You’ve given it a lot of thought and you aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. Apologize for being a flake.

You are going to feel like crap after, but it’ll pass. This is a good experience since you won’t be so quick to accept an invitation in the future. Keep your initial meetings simple and casual (think coffee) so you both have a way out if the good vibes aren’t there. If things are going well through coffee, the two of you can always window shop and talk more. Reserve dinner dates for a third or fourth date if you are both still interested. Beyond that, activities like cooking a dinner together can be a blast. Pop a bottle of wine and let the funky monkey loose. Don’t ever, ever, do a movie as a first date. There’s no point in sitting around silently in the dark staring at a screen. You can do that at home.

Damn, I rock!


I called and he din’t pick up so I left a voicemail. I used the last option. thanks. Btw, I thought that monkey scratch and sniff was funny.

Posted by Don't know how to reneg on 31 March 2006 @ 6am

I like the monkey scratch and sniff too:) bahahaha

Posted by mim on 31 March 2006 @ 6am

You’re getting fitness ads. They obviously don’t know us v. well. I wonder if monkey scratch and sniff and monkey ass and etc affected the ads:D

Posted by mim on 1 April 2006 @ 3am

got back from a date with a guy. it was fine, he was kind but there was no spark. before i left, he told me to give him a call. i don’t mind being friends with him but i’m pretty sure that’s not what he has in mind. what’s proper post-date etiquette when i’m not feeling it?

Posted by post-date etiquette on 1 April 2006 @ 2pm

what’s going on? this is a relationship advice blog?! GAWD! I asked my question first, about SHOES! SHOES!!! V. important. More important.

Posted by mim on 1 April 2006 @ 3pm

When there is no spark and you “don’t mind” being friends with him, don’t call.

If he’s still interested in you after the date, he’ll call you. At that time, you can decide if you want to continue strictly as friends (don’t send him the wrong vibes) or just put it to bed.

Posted by yut on 2 April 2006 @ 1am

Does anyone use the “i’m only 16, I don’t think my dad will approve” excuse? wait, that might get ppl more excited.

Oh and shoes.. please girls. refrain from buying one every month and saying you “need” them. you need them as much as you need more sex from us, which is about… ok once a month. =(

Posted by Al on 3 April 2006 @ 2pm